The Road to Recovery

I watched Lady Omega the other day. Somehow she reached out to Grr. His mind had still been fuzzy and for him the war had not ended. But through the unusual songs between them as they communicated, he finally came around. I was afraid. He'd finally know what I had done. How much I hurt him in his desperation to save him. My own foolish actions that almost got myself killed as well. He didn't reprimand me for it. He actually seemed glad I had tried. I was so afraid, it was finally over. The situation with the horsemen at long last. I felt that I'd finally pay up even though I was still fitting into my new role as praetor. Maybe I'm too paranoid.
I've never had a family, but I've had too many people taken from me already. Even if I may have played a small part in the whole horsemen incident, I still feel guilty about the whole thing. It's like getting a cold and then spreading it among the people you know. I feel like it was my fault. The Tohu used me.

I'm still not bound, and that stone of Rhaven's had unusual side effects. It actually came alive. Though it brought to my mind a theory about myself since that's been frightening. I know that I'm dhampir because of a curse on me before I was born and I carry the remnants of a vampire bloodline my mother herself eradicated before there was many of them. They were a slave race and one of their flaws was a weakness to mental domination. Thus my own susceptibility. They also were given the ability to create things. The myths and what I always believed was I could only duplicate things and create copies, but I've learned more about my own power. It's draw from the aether and ideas and whatnot can be formed. I'm still learning things on my own, but I'm like a gateway between the aether and the real world. I shape it and create it, but spirits of the aether could potentially use me as the Tohu did. If something is stronger than me perhaps. I think my connection is why I was chosen as The Messenger. Well my theory is why I believe my mother saw the danger enough to have been sent on the mission to kill that new bloodline. If each and every one of those vampires could potentially create more vampires, just think if each one was possessed by malicious wandering spirits that had no way to interact with the world until then. If kindred are not bad enough at times, having crazy spirits going around creating more potential hosts is even worse. It's probably best it ends with me. I'd never want to see this strain resurfaced. And as far as I know, no dhampir can create a vampire.

Joah hasn't spoken much about her time as Famine, I wouldn't know what to even say. Would she blame me? I wonder. She seems more distant than I am sometimes.

As for Blake, he looks a little better adapting to vampirism. It's got to be uncomfortable for him to say the least, but at least he has a few of us that can relate a little. I'm still not sure what he wanted to do with this strange amulet he had me hold onto for him. I'm sure glad he returned to us. There's not a lot of faces that make me smile truly.