I can't ignore the dreams are getting worse. I'm not sure how long I can set aside this burden, trying to help others in need. How much is too much before one needs desperate help? It hurts. And the lose of energy associated with sleep seems like a riptide pulling me down into the horrible depths where terrible monsters await. I can't keep myself from being tired, yet every time I sleep, something fiendish attacks. Waiting. How long until I'm spent.. until I can't fight any longer.
There's so many new faces among us, things to see and do. How much time is there before the clock stops ticking? It's hard to say, and ask. If things are as bad as they seem, who will take care of them if I..
I guess I should not think like that. Maybe it's catching up to me. The weight on my shoulders. Pushing me down. I don't want to look weak, not after I've struggled to get this far..
Dryl is remarkable.. I've never met a spirit like her before, let alone to have so much in common. I don't feel so alienated. It's hard to hide things from her. She seems to know more about me then I do sometimes. I suppose I'm not used to it, being the one noticed. I often try to help others, but hide when I'm the one who's in trouble. I don't know if I merit or can live up to what she sees in me. But I care for her and the rest. I feel especially protective of our newest members. I just wish I was free of my own ailes so I could keep them safe. Someone has to.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Outer Darkness
The dreams come, still even now.
Though thankfully I've not had any missing periods of time, I've also not had any warnings from the messenger. I'm always at odds with why I see things I'd rather not. The darkness has teeth, gnashing, tearing at what keeps reality whole. Where does it end, and why do I see it so close? I haven't said a word. There's been too much happening lately, and I tire of being the bearer of bad news. What was described to me once as the Devourer haunts my dreams. It never did show itself when everything else went to hell. Why now would I see it? Is it my fate to be driven mad by these things? I just want to rest.
Maybe, it's something else to come. I don't know how to protect myself, and I fail at helping others. Who can I really trust? Who can protect me? It's always been me.. but I feel so weak and powerless. Who am I without these 'godlings' interfering with my life? Just a girl. Just someone who cares enough to try. Nobody really at all. I don't want to sleep..
Though thankfully I've not had any missing periods of time, I've also not had any warnings from the messenger. I'm always at odds with why I see things I'd rather not. The darkness has teeth, gnashing, tearing at what keeps reality whole. Where does it end, and why do I see it so close? I haven't said a word. There's been too much happening lately, and I tire of being the bearer of bad news. What was described to me once as the Devourer haunts my dreams. It never did show itself when everything else went to hell. Why now would I see it? Is it my fate to be driven mad by these things? I just want to rest.
Maybe, it's something else to come. I don't know how to protect myself, and I fail at helping others. Who can I really trust? Who can protect me? It's always been me.. but I feel so weak and powerless. Who am I without these 'godlings' interfering with my life? Just a girl. Just someone who cares enough to try. Nobody really at all. I don't want to sleep..
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