Monday, September 14, 2009

A year..

It's been over a year now since I've been around in the Omega Institute. I've seen many things. I've become a messenger for an otherworldly spirit or god however you look at it named Raven, and eventually a valkyrie. I've helped lead in times of dread when all our leaders fell to the four horsemen. I was overtaken by something left in their aftermath calling itself the Devourer killing and injuring many even friends. We faced Cthulhu and lived, We beat the Baron Samedi at his own game and halted a swarm of zombies from destroying the world. We've traveled to other times, and other realities. And all I was before was a dhampir girl trying to make it in this world. Now I see it's much bigger than I ever imagined, and from my power.. I've even shaped a dream into existence. A special place for someone very dear to me.

What am I?

All this time, I still don't truly know. Maybe the cosmos will tell me.

Four months for the living and the dead.

How long has it been since I wrote.. so long ago. I try to remember all that happened. I wore the Sha, but it never gave me the comfort I longed for. We lost Pensive to the Baron Samedi when he came into our world looking for a book to undo it. It was a hard time and so many of us suffered. Still a light from the future came to give us some hope.

She called herself CJ and we in time realized she was in fact my daughter from an alternate timeline in the future. In her world we all perished, but because of her we fought back the tide of darkness and sent the Baron home. Some time later the same nanites that Jinx had created to sustain my life during pregnancy helped to create a clone of Pensive and contain his spirit that was still wandering about. Even in the happier times politics seem to always get in the way, causing disorder even with the best intentions. Soon chaos began to spread within the institute to where I was detained. The dissension got to a point where I couldn't be there anymore. It was time I gave up any mantle of leadership I had because I couldn't in the best interest of our group give us hope any longer when I had none of my own.

So I disappeared for a while having been told that I may not have a child at all but a river. It was an odd prophecy so I didn't think much on it. As I expected, the Institute didn't sustain itself as well with me away, but it still existed. I can't quite remember when it was that the Devourer found me again. It was after Suyuan came again and pulled the goddess from me leaving me defenseless, and in the end her own cursed soul perished in another death. Somehow though, Celeste (CJ) had the power to free me from the Devourer and now contains it within her like a prison. I suspect a strange combination of the blood of having three mothers, as Kryss was a surrogate in her time. She grew to fast to transfer in mine.

So many people had disappeared and I was just one who came back. Celeste became romantically involved with an odd robot who'd joined the Institute named Sol. Soon after Kryss and Omega clashed in their ideals. I still don't fully agree with how they both handled things, but it severed the Omega institute in a way and we saw who really valued what instead of being spoken for. I was again stuck in the middle simply because I cared, so I disappeared again.

This time I suffered greatly. I never did explain what had happened, how I lost my child. It was all true. Somehow it came to me while I walked alone in Legacies. From my entire body burst forth a river as if I was again opened to the aether as a doorway. and I fell into greater waters off the bridge. I felt though that life I had within me escape into the water, but not in a way of death, only a parting. I didn't sense a spirit as one would like me. It was different, but still she was gone. I tried to follow even if it ment dying, but the current pushed me to shore since I could never swim.

Some way I as desperate or maybe I didn't care anymore. I made my own wardings, a dangerous power. They did protect me from hostile spirits, but the cost was my own sanity.
Time drifted as did thoughts during this time, and its still hard to this day, but as my wards are growing weaker I've almost recovered completely.

Something brought us all together, Dryl, Alyssa, and I. I think that same cosmic force that I heard because we all became aware, aspects of fate in a way. Me when the Messenger manifests, Alyssa with her Oracle and Dryl who holds more secrets than any of us.

I still can't say where Celeste went the one from the future, and Sol has disappeared as well. And so soon after their wedding. I watched from afar, but I never had the chance to be motherly, perhaps because of the loss I sustained.. I still regret.

The only light that has kept me going is the realization of Alyssa's true origin. As she spent more time around me she started remembering who she is and as a mimic restored herself to an appearance much like mine. She's my half sister, trained by the same creep in ways of assassination. But.. she's so much more. She's my light that I hold dear now when I can't see what roads to follow.

Much has happened over these months, but I feel that something good will come of the future. Hostilities between both groups has lessened, and we're finding many more people. I hope they can reconcile because we really can be stronger together than apart, even if we have different agendas. It would still work out. I have no doubt. As for me though. I can't lead if I'm a follower and I can't be a follower if I lead, so I'm finding my own way in the world and truly living for once. We never really know how long we have or who we'll lose along the way. I just hope there's always someone who will remember when all the other lights have faded.